A Full Circle

May 13, 2018 at 12:12 pm |

I remember one night, when i was three or four, and I couldn’t sleep; Ma put me on her legs and kept rocking me, her back resting uncomfortably on the headboard of our queen sized wooden bed.
I liked being rocked to sleep. But woke up when I realised she went still. I opened my sleepy eyes and saw that she dozed off, her head had fallen back and her mouth was slightly open. I moved my little body so she would realise I woke up. Her eyes twitched, she looked at me, and started moving her tired legs again.

 

And the night continued.

 

This image has made its home in my mind. I remember it as clear as day. That to me is what unconditional love means.

 

So Ma, here I am, sitting in my room, my eyes brimming with tears, writing this letter to you, while you are out there in the kitchen making me ‘chole chaat’ for today’s dinner.

 

You have taught me everything I know or will ever know

Ma, I now know why I don’t/can’t cook. You were the same, weren’t you? You preferred sitting with your nose inside a book at my age. I prefer the same, just instead of a book, it’s my laptop most of the time. But you know what I mean.
Jokes aside, you are the best cook I have ever met. I will learn cooking like you did, with time, not because that’s what is expected of a woman, but because I want to treat you like a princess, like you did me. All my life. All my effing life.

 

I secretly smile when they say I look like you

You are the most beautiful woman I have met. I was in love with you before I set my eyes on you. I grew up to be the woman you always knew I would. When I got bullied in school, and cried my heart away on your lap, you would repeatedly tell me how beautiful I am. It took me 27 years, but I finally believe it now. You used to dress me up in the most fabulous way you could, and now I am the one giving you fashion advice. We have come a full circle Ma.

 

I will do it all…all for you.

All of us have a single pair of hands, legs and eyes. But you don’t. I am your extra pair. I will be your eyes when this world gets too tough for you, I will feed you when you are too tired to feed yourself, I will walk this world for you and carry you in my heart.

 

You can fall back on me

I will take care of you Ma, like you have, my entire life. I will give you my shoulders to cry on and my lap to sleep on. I will stay awake with you during sickness and take you to movies and shopping. I will shower you with all the comfort and happiness that I can conjure up.
You can lean on me Ma, I am strong now.

 

I will never understand how you did everything that you did, without wanting anything in return.
I guess I will have to become a mother to understand that.

A very Happy Mother’s Day Mumma.

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